


housefire

by olliebookdragon



Category: Original Work
Genre: Betrayal, Friendship, Poetry, Unrequited Crush, and how you can't tell sometimes until after they've set your world on fire, on friends who really aren't, on people you shouldn't trust, on people you trust, who deserves our love and tears and skin?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24314107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olliebookdragon/pseuds/olliebookdragon
Summary: about the boy i called housefire because of the way my skin warmed when he looked at melittle did i know he would burn me down(i will rise from these ashesmy blood was already burning and he was only matches)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	1. HOUSEFIRE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> foreshadowing

i was a fresh green home  
four swaying corners  
pinned together with time  
and a messy attempt at self-love

and you  
snuck through the back door  
while my eyes watched  
your toes on the old porch  
and my ears heard  
your fingers screak on the screen 

you were made of bright black fire  
so hot so hard  
but i mistook you for a shadow  
and asked you to the breakfast table  
i brought my thoughts and my time  
and my trust  
and laid them on your plate

you reached out with yellow fingers  
to pull my heart from my palm  
and i realized you were part monster  
part fire  
part pain  
the moment your skin burnt mine

i was a fool  
i believed i could stand the heat  
and the ache  
so when you left  
with scorching footprints  
seared into my side  
i pretended  
i didn't smell burning flesh

i invited you back  
like asking darkness into my bed  
(what i wouldn't have done  
to have felt your lips on mine)  
and you stayed  
made yourself a castle  
in a corner of my ribcage

i devoured every moment  
you would give me  
even when your eyes lingered elsewhere  
and your heart would never be mine  
every three thoughts were of you  
and the drunken sunshine  
gave me hours to craft you into sweetness  
and not fire

i am such a good liar  
you couldn't see my mind  
even though it was yours  
i told myself i would get over you  
like a prayer on my lips  
whispered before i ever closed my eyes  
and yours opened

you left your mark on everything  
smoldering fingerprints  
on door handles and dishes  
smoking shadows on my pillow  
and behind my mirrors  
you lit matches  
and tossed them into my bed

surprise surprise  
this fresh green home caught fire  
and burned and burned and burned  
like an endless eternal ancient flame 

and yet i still welcome you back  
when you whisper  
let you into my flaming living room  
so we can watch our lives  
play out like movies  
and get lost between misunderstandings  
i feed you  
what's left of my melting skin  
and my smoking ruined bits of heart

you smile  
with your lips soft for breaking  
and your teeth sharpened for comfort  
and my eyes fall in love all over again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was written circa november 2018


	2. decided not to like (notify your heart, dumbass)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before

um hi  
I really like you  
but there are a million reasons  
why I shouldn't be with you  
and I also haven't decided  
if I like you like you  
or just like you  
and maybe I've even decided  
not  
to like you  
but I think my heart should be notified

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is from probably like september-october 2018


	3. murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you tried to murder me
> 
> i wanted so much from you and all you gave was hurt

i.

bones

and knives

and blood

i am an open wound open grave open casket

come to my funeral

don't you _dare_

write my obituary you piece of shit

ii.

pulling skin from fingers

crunching on knuckles

cannibal

how does suffering

and murder

taste when it's not your own?

iii.

falling

your hands

were supposed to catch me

you bastard

instead they pushed me

iv.

_trust me_

you begged

and i ignored my heart

for your lips

and then i choked

because honesty isn't something you trade in

v.

can you look yourself in the eyes?

i know you hate mirrors

you can see ghosts

in your reflection

how many sets of bones

dance in your room at night?

i bet you can't sleep

for all the clacking and breaking

i hope you can't sleep

vi.

i dreamed about you

for weeks

and darkness chased me

until i was a shadow

you stole

my heartheadvoicetrusttimefriends

_my skin_

vii.

listen close

you arrogant lying bitch

you thought you destroyed me

and i won't lie

you definitely came close

but i'm tougher

than i look

and few friends who won't talk to me

and a couple rumors

aren't going to kill me

viii.

kiss my ass

i was too good for you

i can't believe

i ever loved you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written may 2019


	4. afraid of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he claimed he wasn't afraid of anything and i didn't know what fear looked like on his face, so when he looked at me and i couldn't see anything in his eyes it took me weeks to realize that he was terrified

now I know what it was  
when you looked at me  
and I couldn't see  
any of the person I knew  
it was fear  
your eyes were wide  
and blank  
and afraid  
that was the moment  
I knew I lost you forever

you said  
you never felt fear  
you said  
you weren't afraid of anything  
but now I know  
you were really afraid of everything  
especially me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written may 2019


	5. now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> regrets are useless but the way i trusted you makes me ache

I look at pictures  
of us  
and the words I wrote  
about you  
and I hurt  
so deep  
I loved you  
I trusted you  
I was in  
with everything I had  
and now  
you won't even look me in the eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written: 02/20/19


	6. candle wax (he remembers)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i knew he could break my heart but i don't think i really believed he would

he remembers  
little things  
and all I can think is  
'no, please don't -  
don't notice me,  
don't be nice  
it's gonna hurt me   
so. much.'  
I know  
I don't need much   
to completely fall for you  
so please don't do those   
little soft sweet things  
that melt me  
like candle wax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written september 25, 2018


	7. overthink no.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wanted so desperately to believe that you were good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 01/20/19

my head is taking leaps  
off of buildings  
and ledges   
off of any tall thing i can reach  
it is making circles  
around names  
that are losing meaning  
and love  
with every lap  
i am trying not to jump to conclusions  
because i've always been shit   
at landing thoughts  
assumption is prowling on my shoulders  
and slipping in my ears  
can't breathe  
can't think  
i am holding a snowstorm in my bones  
and my teeth are biting down  
on fingers  
my fingers?  
your fingers?  
his fingers?  
her fingers?  
who's fingers are pulling me apart?  
keying my car  
vandalizing my face   
destroying my heart  
you have just proved me right and wrong  
in the same breath   
this is why i don't trust people  
this is why i should  
maybe you would have believed me  
if you had really known me  
or maybe not  
who knows?  
maybe those fingers  
keyboards named of icicles  
and words lied of distrust  
why are lies seductive  
why are they better than the truth  
why are my lips called liars  
can't you see my tongue  
dying for the truth  
jump   
how high?  
forgive me for something i didn't do  
love me please  
i don't make friends easily  
and i believed in you  
too bad you didn't return the favor  
my thoughts are running faster   
than i can think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it kinda fucking sucks when your friends think you're a liar :/


End file.
